Please do not offend yourself

As I mentioned in my last entry, there were so many good comments about Americans in the handbook we gave to our host families that I had to break them up into multiple posts.  Thus, what follows is round two.  Also, keep in mind again that I have typed these, aside from the “(sic)” references to indicate the errors, exactly as they appear in the handbook. And for whatever reason, MY host family has exhibited very little of some of the more annoying South African tendencies like lack of punctuality, roundabout ways of communicating, and not understanding the need for time by oneself.  I have had to experience these from other South Africans and other volunteers’ families:

HANDBOOK: Americans are direct speakers they believe in expressing themselves directly and making sure they discard ambiguity.  They also say things as they are and their directedness may be perceived as arrogance by those who do not understand them.  Americas (sic) are very inquisitive, ask a lot of questions and read a lot.  They are very observant, where they understand (sic) they ask questions e.g. they like asking why this?

ME: This is a point that cannot be stressed enough.  South African communication is very indirect.  When a South African wants something, many times they will not tell you straight up.  They will hint at it, and make what are to them, very clear and understandable references, but which to us, are completely over our head.  For example, one volunteer told me a story of how her host mother kept asking her if she liked tea, if she liked making tea, which kind of tea she liked, etc.  Come to find out, the host mother wanted the volunteer to prepare some tea for the family.

Also, if a South African has a problem with something you are doing, often they will not inform you that you are doing something offensive or incorrect for fear of upsetting you. They will, however, tell their friends, family, and other acquaintances, so that you are sometimes the last person to know that there is a problem.  I’m sure that the South Africans reach a similar level of exasperation by the Americans always asking “why?”  The answer to why something is done in a certain way is most times simply because that’s the way it is and that’s the way it has been for as much time as anyone remembers.  End of story.

HANDBOOK: Most Americans like traveling and meeting people of other countries.  Another thing is that they like to travel around the whole world, seeing different places and learning about other people’s cultures.  They like mountain-climbing and game reserves.

ME: I’m sure many Americans (and people from other countries as well) will take issue with this statement since I would hazard to say that we do not travel and appreciate other countries and cultures as much as our European brethren.  However, compared to South Africans, Americans are globetrotting diplomats.  Out of all the South Africans I have talked to, only one has ever been outside of the country, and that was only to neighboring Zimbabwe.  Knowledge of the outside world is many times very limited.  Thus far I have been asked if Mexico and London are in the US and if Los Angeles is in Europe, just to name a few.   

Unfortunately, South Africa is the first foreign country I have traveled to where some people are not aware of a place called Texas.  Usually, when I am traveling and I am asked where I am from, I say that I am from Texas.  Many South Africans have heard the term before, but are not exactly sure what or where it is.  For such unavoidable reasons, I respond that I am from America and then will ask them if they have heard of a place called Texas.  Regardless of their answer, I then give them a few facts about Texas, since I am all about education. :)

HANDBOOK: The hosting family has a responsibility to inform neighbours, family relative (sic) as well as friends about the assignment/purpose for their presence in the community.  Volunteers become part of the family and should be protected just like children of the family.  The host family should inform their guests that the Americans do not feel comfortable when you touch them inappropriately.

ME: Apparently, South Africans do feel comfortable when you touch them inappropriately.  Just kidding.  That being said, there is very much a machismo ethic here.  It is quite normal for men to gawk, offer comments, and grab the hands of random women that they see in the course of their day.  For this reason, the female volunteers have to be very vigilant to avoid and quickly dismiss unwanted attention.

HANDBOOK: It is the culture of the Americans to exersice (sic) and keeping (sic) themselves fit at all the time (sic).  They do it by running or jogging a lot in the morning and afternoon hours.  The (sic) normally wear sportswear.  The family should let them know what is acceptable to wear when they go out jogging in the community.

ME: Who knew that America was such a fit nation?  The reason for this comment having been included is that the only type of exercise that South Africans seem to engage in involves cleaning or soccer.  I have yet to see a local out for a jog, doing yoga, or at the gym.  Heck, I have yet to even see a gym.  Could be some serious business opportunities for P90X if you ask me.  Also, Peace Corps volunteers seem to be statistically more active than the general American population.  I suppose it takes a personality like that to agree to leave their friends, family, and homes behind all so you can take bucket baths and live for two years without a salary ;)

HANDBOOK: Volunteers are learning to eat South African food and they should not be offended, when they did not finished (sic) what has been offered.

ME: This one is relatively straightforward.  I personally have never been offended when I did not finish what had been offered.  I guess some volunteers get pissed off at themselves when they can’t clean their plate.  Again, proofreading was apparently not much of an issue for this handbook.

HANDBOOK: The Americans are time conscious and they keep time. families (sic) should try to clearly communicate with the Voluteer (sic) that person (sic) comes first e.g. 5mins to Americans means literally 5mins wherelse (sic) to SA as long as you have arrived.  It is not in their culture to wait for long hours before event (sic) or during meetings.

ME: This is perhaps one of the most frustrating aspects of South African culture in that almost nothing runs on time or according to schedule.  And when we say things are late, we are not talking about 5 or 10 minutes late (like I usually am back home).  We are talking 30 minutes, an hour, two hours late. They tried to say in our training and in this handbook as well that in South Africa people are more highly valued than time.  For example, if someone is supposed to be at a meeting at 5:00, but they see a friend along the way, they will stop and talk to the friend for a while and be late for the meeting because they value people more than time.  I’m all about cultural understanding, but I called BS when they brought out this explanation in training and am calling BS again on the handbook.  By not being on time for a meeting or any other occasion you are not valuing the person that is made to sit around waiting for you.  It is not a punctual culture, I get it, but please do not try to justify it by saying people are more highly valued than time.

Well, that concludes American and South African culture 101.  Test on Friday.